pssssst! brainfag is retired! i'm now at



posted in Home Jabber on January 21, 2004

I think I'm in love with my stupid, goddamn computer.

I mean, I went to the store tonight, and I got to overthinking about how I'm almost thirty and I've been dragging along in this cruise-control attitude where I'm not excited by anything at all going on in my life (or in the strange, multi-faceted beyond) -- and I look at the kids and think of how they're going to hit this stage and lose all their explosive, all-consuming, brilliant imagination; their open ended hope, immersive fascination with immediate environs, hunger for knowledge, thirst for sex, etc etc -- you hit a certain stage and everything seems to slam into a boring ass wall that puts it all, everything goddamnit, in the same dull bucket. The bucket of uninteresting human existence.

There's a lurking notion that I could meet a girl who would re-ignite my passion. But this doesn't make any sense, because if I ran across a girl immersed in my current gloom I'd avoid her like the plague. Ain't nobody looking for a broken man. Nate, you gotta pick your own damn self up off the floor and get back on the good foot.

But, then there's my computer, who manages to distract me incessantly from these concerns. Five pounds of unquestioning metal and plastic that contains a staggering array of creative potential. I hit a few buttons and music comes (squeaking) out, a few more buttons and there's a DVD going; I can make my own music, movies, photos; I can scan my comix, color them, publish them online, print them on paper; I can write, design & print Shrike; I have unending options with communication and expression with webdesign.. on & on & on. This thing is by far the coolest, most creative device I've ever owned.

'Course you could do these things w/ any ol' piece of junk computer you could buy for five bucks at the Goodwill (well, the bins, at least). But this powerbook is badass... Apple has really got shit figured out with OS X: they've made computers FUN again.

So, who needs a girlfriend? Or excitement with human existence? Wait, that makes no sense... Nor does this whole post, come to think of it. The whole reason for the gloom is the lack of sense.

On a lighter note I just called Abi who I haven't hung out with in a long, fucking time and it (senselessly) made my night. Who knows? Go with it...

11 comments on this entry

You need to make babies Natron. That may be the only way to get you out of your funk.

Scott 1/22/04

Hey Nate, I know just what you mean. Your current gloom will be attractive as soon as you put on a pair of glasses, man. Just walk around Manhattan and talk to yourself about your analyst. You'll have a Woody Allen mystique.

frank 1/22/04

I make little brown babies every day. It has given my life purpose.

Billy 1/22/04

when i was in college, 19 years old, my philosophy teacher assigned a book and said that we wouldn't really understand the book until we were around 30 years old, but to go ahead and read it anyway. so i did, and i enjoyed it. but then i read it last year and he was right about the age thing.

the book was "nausea" by sartre. give it a whirl.

scott 1/23/04

Being that our computers can be an extension of our own psyche, does it not stand to reason that loving your computer is really , at it's core, simply loving oneself?

Tralfamadore 1/23/04

I love my little brown babies. They were once a part of me but now they must fend for themselves.

Billy 1/23/04

Two days since Nate has posted.... Let us hope that he has called Abi once again and they are at this momment participating in torrid social discourse. Or possibly humping like rabid weasels.

Tralfamadore 1/23/04

maybe ol' nate needs one of these

shawn 1/26/04

ha! what a great use of flash.. so, do you have to carry around a large bag of those things for every time you piss? is sitting to piss a big issue w/ women? does god look down upon the wasting of paper for the privelege of upright pissing?

the only question not in my mind is whether or not *i* need one. ever since a young child i've been an excellent swordsman.

nate 1/27/04

Where did the depression test go???

kyle 2/24/04

i haven't put a lot of the old content back up for a few reasons. 1) i haven't had time. 2) the content is old.

most of it 2-3 years old. i do plan on a flash section in the near 2-6 month future, and that will have the Pepless Poll. i spent many hours trying (once again) to get the fonts working right in the poll (& once again to no avail).

the poll is up on the site at -- and you can see what i mean about the effing fonts.

some.. day.. in .. the .. future.. will.. fix..

nate 2/26/04

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