pssssst! brainfag is retired! i'm now at


Dreaming of Neon Green Grass

posted in Home Jabber on March 22, 2007

Oh my wannabe blog, how I neglect you. I don't think I've mentioned this yet, but I finally changed up my ancient Clixel Flash portfolio with a brand spankin html/javascript/css design. I had big plans (ye olde webblog, extensive portfolio, demos of my CMS admin), but then realized I don't *want* new clients right now. I recently took regular work with the fun & frantic, and can thankfully start simplifying my workflow. That is, not take four $300 jobs a month that come with guilt-ridden, unspoken lifetime tech-support plan. And the unending lil' glitches, fixes and tweaks. Multiply that rate by the last five years, and suddenly my chronic stress-induced health ailments have an incredibly obvious source: regular upkeep with 40 clients on 40 sites. (A slight exaggeration, but only slight.)

Other recent work: replacing the Flash browser on with an html/css/javascript equivalent (do we see a trend here?), adding options for different laptop bag sizes. I actually really liked the old Flash browser, but I lost the source code, so when she wanted to add the laptop bag options, I was faced with the prospect of rewriting the whole beast. And Flash is definitely not where my head's been at the last 3-4 years. Not a big Flash fan. It's cool and all, but I'd just much rather learn a js library and get what simple effects I want out of that (currently been enjoying mootools).

I'm at the pdx airport, en route to LA to meet the Mun2 folks, and I've been reading my aging Brainfag 9 comic journal. I'm actually really digging it, but also realizing it's almost THREE YEARS OLD. That is so goddamn depressing. That means I've put out two comics in the last three years? And throughout BF9, I keep rambling on about starting my "big book" which never happened. I just don't think in those terms (does anyone naturally?) and feel like I should remember that I draw comics for fun. Fun, right Nate? Right? Relax. (But draw!)

One thing I love about drawing a journal comic is you keep a unique log of things happening (visual+mental), and absorb them in a way you can revisit easily. The thing I don't like is how this highlights recurring themes in one's life, usually of a more negative and whining nature. But the biggest whine in BF9 is how lonely I was and how I wanted a lover, which I've had since it came out nearly three years ago. Which most likely explains why I haven't been drawing much. Grass is greener & all that, right?

(Sorry, not around a scanner or my camera, so no fauncy imagery for this post.)

4 comments on this entry

its amazing how a journal entry keeps a memory fresh, distinct, bookmarks a particular series of hours.

dwight 3/24/07

You got flown down to LA but you didn't bring your camera??? Jeez! I would have loved to have seen your visual take on that place...

You having steady work sounds like a great thing Nate. Hopefully turning down crappy web work will enable you to draw, just like you are hoping to do!

Alec 3/24/07

Funny, I've found some (but not all) of my most prolific creative phases were during unhappy times. Hm.

Maybe you're not miserable enough to draw? Quick— more misery!

Joseph 3/25/07

@dwight: indeed. one part that cracked me up was the whole rachel debacle in BF9. i love how i drew you in that style-block (since it changed so many damn times)

@alec: yeah, i was pretty stunned when i realized i was cameraless. i've been carrying around that 4-lb beast of a DSLR in my backpack ever since i bought it! and just recently took it out since i haven't been taking any pictures & i started worrying about it getting beat up. but honestly it was good – i actually drew instead (which i'll put up soon here..)

@joseph: yes indeed. i'm the same way. the best misery for drawing is being broke and/or single, and for once those things are in a comfortable status. it's a very strange feeling. but don't worry, the misery just moves inward to existential doubt and malaise. heh.

Nate 3/25/07

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